<img class="dogpic" src="https://i.imgur.com/wvvjmzn.jpeg" alt="Q and F">
This is the story of [[Frank->Frank]], [[Quaffle->Quaffle]], and the Great Big Glorious & Delicious Juicy Steak.
The kitchen smells like destiny.
On the counter: the **steak** rests on a plate, uncovered, cooling, daring the universe.
From the living room comes the wet, authoritative sound of Quaffle sucking on a teddy bear head like it’s a sacred duty.
[[Begin the Heist->Kitchen]]
(set: $steak to false)
(set: $tools to (a:))
(set: $noise to 0)
(set: $heat to 0)
(set: $focus to 3)
(set: $quaffleMood to "royal")
(set: $quafflePos to "living room")
(set: $distraction to false)
(set: $attempts to 0)
(set: $progress to 0)
(set: $bond to 0)
(set: $lastProgress to 0)
(set: $lastHeat to 0)
(set: $lastBond to 0)
(set: $flash to "")(display: "HUD")
(display: "StateChange")
(if: $flash is not "")[
<div class="callout good">
(if: $flash is "chair")[You’ve secured leverage. The counter is within reach.]
(else-if: $flash is "towel")[You’ve secured physics. Plates should fear fabric.]
(else-if: $flash is "squeaky")[You’ve secured chaos. Quaffle is vulnerable to squeak.]
</div>
(set: $flash to "")
]
<div class="scene (if: $heat >= 2)[hot] (if: $progress >= 2)[close]">
The steak sits on the counter—cooling, glistening, minding its own business in a way that feels personal.
(if: ($bond >= 2) and ($heat >= 2) and (not $distraction))[
<div class="callout soft">
Quaffle “accidentally” becomes a velvet rope. You feel the room’s attention slide off you.
</div>
Quaffle shifts into the hallway with the slow authority of furniture deciding to move.
A human footstep approaches—then stops.
There’s a soft *whump* of a huge body sitting down.
Quaffle’s voice goes gentle and innocent:
a single, questioning “woof?” like she’s asking for permission to exist.
The human sighs. “Oh, Quaffle. Hi, sweet girl.”
Quaffle’s tail thumps once—pleasant, polite—while her eyes flick to you without moving her head.
(set: $distraction to true)
(set: $heat to (max: 0, $heat - 1))
]
You plant your paws, lift your chin, and stare up like the counter owes you rent.
You hop.
Your paws slap the cabinet—*thunk*—and you slide down, blinking like you meant to do that.
Behind you: Quaffle’s tags jingle.
She doesn’t *announce* herself so much as… arrive, like a verdict.
(if: $noise >= 3)[
(set: $heat to $heat + 1)
<div class="callout bad">
Heat rises. A grown-up somewhere stops trusting the silence.
</div>
]
(if: $heat >= 3)[
<div class="callout bad">
Spotlight. Incoming.
</div>
Mama's voice drifts closer. “Frank?”
The word lands like a hand on the light switch.
[[Freeze mid-crime->Caught]]
]
What’s your move?
* [[Scout the room (tools!) ->Scout]]
* [[Attempt a raw jump (audacity) ->JumpAttempt]]
* [[Create a distraction ->Distraction]]
* [[Perform innocence ->InnocenceMove]]
(if: $tools's length >= 1)[
* [[Use a tool ->UseTool]]
]
* [[Check your “heist status” ->Status]]
* [[Invite Quaffle’s opinion (dangerous)->QuaffleApproach]]
</div>(display: "HUD")
<img class="dogpic" src="https://i.imgur.com/NjFyS7E.jpeg" alt="Frank the Boykin Spaniel">
A shadow falls over you.
Mama stands in the doorway, staring at your face—frozen mid-expression like a cartoon paused at the worst frame.
Quaffle sits beside them, calm as a rich lady at brunch.
Mama points at you.
Then points to the floor.
You are relocated.
Gently.
Humiliatingly.
Like a bag of contraband.
(set: $heat to 0)
(set: $noise to 0)
(set: $distraction to false)
(set: $focus to 3)
Quaffle receives a pity treat for “being good.”
She eats it slowly while maintaining eye contact.
[[Return to the kitchen when mama forgets->Kitchen]]
[[Restart the entire heist->Start]](display: "HUD")
You patrol with purpose.
Your paws make almost no sound—except when they do, because excitement is a lifestyle.
You spot:
* A **chair** slightly pulled out.
* A **dish towel** hanging like a flag of opportunity.
* A **squeaky toy** under the table, glowing with chaotic potential.
Choose one thing to claim.
* [[Drag the chair (big effort, big reward)->GetChair]]
* [[Steal the dish towel (stealthy, useful)->GetTowel]]
* [[Acquire the squeaky toy (weapon of mass distraction)->GetSqueak]]
* [[Do nothing and return (suspiciously mature)->Kitchen]](set: $attempts to $attempts + 1)
You back up. You launch.
Your paws hit the cabinet again—*thunk*—and for one glorious half-second you are vertical ambition.
You slide down like a sock on a wooden floor.
(set: $noise to $noise + 1)
(set: $focus to (max: 0, $focus - 1))
(if: $attempts >= 2)[
Your pride is now a physical object in the room.
On the way down, one paw catches a cabinet knob.
Not enough to climb—yet.
But it exists now. A fact. A foothold.
(if: $progress < 1)[(set: $progress to 1)]
<div class="callout good">
You learned something. The counter is no longer purely myth.
</div>
]
(if: $noise >= 3)[[Mama's footsteps approach->Caught]]
(else:)[
Quaffle makes a *harumph* sound that is somehow both a sigh and a judgment.
[[Try something else->Kitchen]]
](display: "HUD")
<img class="dogpic" src="https://i.imgur.com/aam5y9y.jpeg" alt="Frank the Boykin Spaniel">
Quaffle enters.
She pads in with gentle weight—like a couch that learned to walk.
Her eyes flick to the counter, then to you, then to the counter again.
A bead of drool forms. She pretends it’s not happening.
She sits.
Perfect posture.
Judgment, but polite.
She leans forward and gives your ear one slow lick—*slurp*—as if stamping you: **APPROVED (UNDER PROTEST).**
(if: $bond >= 2)[
Her tail gives one small thump, like she’s laughing in secret.
]
What do you do?
* [[Act innocent (tiny face, big lies)->Innocent]]
* [[Ask for help (rare humility)->AskHelp]]
* [[Offer tribute (one tool)->Tribute]]
* [[Challenge her authority (bold)->Challenge]]
* [[Back away slowly->Kitchen]]You need Mama looking anywhere except here.
Choose a distraction:
* [[Knock something gently (risk)->GentleChaos]]
(if: (count: "squeaky", $tools) > 0)[
* [[Deploy squeaky toy across the room->SqueakDistraction]]
]
* [[Summon Quaffle to do drama->QuaffleDrama]]
* [[Back->Kitchen]](display: "HUD")
Choose your method.
(if: ($tools contains "chair"))[
* [[Climb the chair (vertical crime)->ChairClimb]]
]
(if: ($tools contains "towel"))[
* [[Deploy towel (physics crime)->TowelHeist]]
]
(if: ($tools contains "squeaky"))[
* [[Squeak-and-run (social crime)->SqueakHeist]]
]
* [[Back->Kitchen]](display: "HUD")
You take stock like a professional criminal.
• Tools: (if: $tools's length is 0)[none. Just vibes.][(print: $tools)]
• Noise: $noise
• Heat: $heat
• Quaffle mood: $quaffleMood
(if: $progress is 0)[You are still in the *dreaming* phase.]
(else-if: $progress is 1)[You can reach the counter edge. The steak is no longer safe from your ambition.]
(else-if: $progress is 2)[The plate has moved. The steak has noticed you exist.]
(else-if: $progress is 3)[You have contact. One mistake away from disaster.]
(else:)[You are living in legend.]
[[Back to the kitchen->Kitchen]]You clamp the chair leg in your mouth and *commit*.
The chair does not move at first.
Then it moves one inch. Then it moves two inches.
You growl with excitement.
(set: $tools to $tools + (a: "chair"))
(set: $noise to $noise + 1)
(set: $flash to "chair")
The chair is now closer to the counter.
[[Back->Kitchen]]You ninja-leap and snag the dish towel.
It slides off the handle in a dramatic whisper—like a cape choosing you.
(set: $tools to $tools + (a: "towel"))
(set: $flash to "towel")
You trot away with it, chin high, like you’re wearing a medal.
[[Back->Kitchen]]<img class="dogpic" src="ihttps://i.imgur.com/PZwg4Ba.jpeg" alt="Frank the Boykin Spaniel">
You nose the squeaky toy out from under the table.
It’s shaped like a duck. It looks innocent. It is not.
(set: $tools to $tools + (a: "squeaky"))
(set: $noise to $noise + 1)
(set: $flash to "squeaky")
It betrays you immediately with a tiny: *SKREEK*.
[[Back->Kitchen]]<img class="dogpic" src="https://i.imgur.com/yIJxsLZ.jpeg" alt="Frank the Boykin Spaniel">
You sit. Perfect posture.
You widen your eyes until they are basically planets.
You wiggle your body like you have never wanted anything in your life.
Quaffle narrows her eyes.
(set: $quaffleMood to "suspicious")
She leans down and licks your ear.
Not affectionate. Administrative.
[[Back->Kitchen]]<img class="dogpic" src="https://i.imgur.com/H6S1zgB.jpeg" alt="Quaffle">
You step forward.
Your body is small.
Your confidence is a parade.
You let out a single bark that says: *This kitchen is a democracy.*
Quaffle responds by laying down directly in the doorway, blocking your exit with the calm power of a boulder.
(set: $quaffleMood to "offended")
(set: $noise to $noise + 1)
(set: $heat to $heat + 1)
[[Back->Kitchen]](display: "HUD")
(if: $tools's length is 0)[
You have nothing to offer except vibes.
Quaffle is not a vibes-based negotiator.
[[Back->QuaffleApproach]]
]
(else:)[
Choose a tribute for the princess.
(link-repeat: "Offer the towel")[
(if: (count: "towel", $tools) > 0)[
(set: $tools to (filtered: _item, $tools, where _item is not "towel"))
(set: $quaffleMood to "pleased")
(set: $bond to (min: 3, $bond + 1))
(set: $distraction to true)
Quaffle accepts it like a queen receiving silk. She drapes it over herself. It is disgusting and majestic.
[[Back->Kitchen]]
]
]
(link-repeat: "Offer the squeaky toy")[
(if: (count: "squeaky", $tools) > 0)[
(set: $tools to (filtered: _item, $tools, where _item is not "squeaky"))
(set: $quaffleMood to "delighted")
(set: $bond to (min: 3, $bond + 1))
(set: $distraction to true)
<img class="dogpic" src="https://i.imgur.com/gYOHHA0.jpeg" alt="Quaffle">
Quaffle chomps it once—*SKREEEET*—and trots away, proud of her new treasure.
[[Back->Kitchen]]
]
]
(link-repeat: "Offer the chair (insane)")[
(if: (count: "chair", $tools) > 0)[
(set: $tools to (filtered: _item, $tools, where _item is not "chair"))
(set: $quaffleMood to "confused")
(set: $bond to (min: 3, $bond + 1))
(set: $distraction to true)
Quaffle stares at the chair. Then at you. Then she drools on it as if stamping it “claimed.”
[[Back->Kitchen]]
]
]
[[Never mind->QuaffleApproach]]
]You nudge a spoon off the edge of the counter.
It falls in slow motion.
It hits the floor with a *CLINK*.
(set: $noise to $noise + 2)
(set: $heat to $heat + 1)
(set: $distraction to true)
From the other room: “What was that?”
[[Back->Kitchen]]You pick up the squeaky toy.
You carry it to the living room like a delivery.
You drop it.
You step on it once.
*SKREEEET.*
Quaffle materializes instantly, eyes shining with purpose.
(set: $distraction to true)
(set: $noise to $noise + 1)
(set: $quaffleMood to "obsessed")
(set: $quafflePos to "living room")
[[Back->Kitchen]]You glance at Quaffle and then at the empty dog bowl.
You let out a delicate whine: the sound of a starving Victorian orphan.
Quaffle, offended on behalf of all food, starts barking at the air as if filing a complaint.
(set: $noise to $noise + 2)
(set: $heat to $heat + 1)
(set: $distraction to true)
Mama's voice: “Quaffle! What is it?!”
[[Back->Kitchen]](display: "HUD")
<img class="dogpic" src="https://i.imgur.com/rncEjhu.png" alt="Frank the Boykin Spaniel">
You hop onto the chair seat.
Suddenly the counter feels… negotiable.
Your paws reach the edge.
Your nose catches the steak’s scent and your brain briefly leaves your body.
(if: $progress < 1)[(set: $progress to 1)]
(if: $distraction)[
You have a clear moment.
[[Go for the steak->StealSteak]]
]
(else:)[
Quaffle is watching. She is still. She is judging—softly, like: *Honey… are we doing this?*
[[Go for the steak anyway->StealSteak]]
]You spread the towel on the floor and bite one end.
You pull, attempting to create… something.
The towel slides. The towel bunches. The towel becomes a sort of nest.
You sit in it proudly as if you have invented architecture.
This does not help with the steak.
(set: $quaffleMood to "smug")
[[Back->Kitchen]](display: "HUD")
(if: $progress >= 2)[
The steak is close enough now that you can smell the pepper.
Your jaw aches with wanting.
]
(set: $attempts to $attempts + 1)
Your paws scrabble. Your body stretches. Your toes barely hook the plate.
You pull.
The plate slides an inch.
You pull again.
The steak shifts closer...
(if: $distraction)[
(set: $progress to 3)
(set: $steak to true)
[[SUCCESS: Steak Acquired->Win]]
]
(else:)[
Quaffle chooses this moment to sneeze like a hurricane.
The plate rattles. The steak wobbles. Footsteps outside the kitchen.
(set: $noise to $noise + 2)
(set: $heat to $heat + 1)
(if: ($bond >= 2) and ($heat >= 2))[
Before Mama can fully enter, Quaffle ambles into the doorway and sits down like a velvet rope.
The human stops automatically. “Oh, Quaffle! Come on!”
Quaffle leans her big body against Mama’s leg with exaggerated sweetness, pushing her back out the door.
Quaffle's eyes stay on you.
Not angry.
Just… *don’t waste this*.
(set: $distraction to true)
(set: $heat to (max: 0, $heat - 1))
[[Now. NOW.->StealSteak]]
]
(else-if: $noise >= 3)[
[[Uh oh->Caught]]
]
(else:)[
[[Try again, quickly->Kitchen]]
]
](display: "HUD")
(set: $progress to 4)
You have the steak.
It is larger than your head.
You drag it off the plate with the strength of a myth.
You hit the floor and sprint—tiny legs, huge purpose—toward the nearest hiding place.
You slide under the table, steak in mouth, eyes sparkling.
Quaffle appears at the tablecloth’s edge like a moon cresting the horizon.
She watches you chew.
Her expression says: *This is why we can’t have nice things.*
Her tail says something quieter.
(if: $bond >= 2)[
[[Slip Quaffle a “don’t tell” bite->WinShared]]
]
Quaffle sits upright anyway and releases a single bark that translates to: *Authorities! Over here! Crimes!*
But even that bark sounds… a little theatrical.
Right now?
You chew victory.
**THE END (for now).**
[[Play again->Start]]You sit so fast your butt makes a tiny *pft* on the floor.
You angle your head.
You soften your eyes.
You become a painting titled: “Who, Me? I Have Never Had a Thought.”
You lick your own nose—slowly—like you have all the time in the world.
(set: $heat to (max: 0, $heat - 1))
(set: $focus to (max: 0, $focus - 1))
From the other room, Mama sighs—confused, but less suspicious.
[[Back->Kitchen]](display: "HUD")
You grab the towel and drag it under the counter like you’re laying tracks for a train robbery.
You hook one corner beneath the plate.
It catches. Barely.
You pull.
The plate scrapes—*skrrrrt*—a sound that travels through the house like gossip.
(set: $noise to $noise + 1)
(set: $heat to $heat + 1)
(set: $focus to (max: 0, $focus - 1))
The steak shifts closer to the edge.
(if: $progress < 2)[(set: $progress to 2)]
(set: $bond to (min: 3, $bond + 1))
(if: $distraction)[
No one looks.
Not yet.
[[Pull again—commit->TowelPull]]
]
(else:)[
Quaffle’s head appears, slow and heavy, like a planet rising over the horizon.
She blinks once, very patiently. Judgy—but not mean.
[[Pull again anyway->TowelPull]]
[[Abort. Abort.->Kitchen]]
](display: "HUD")
You take the squeaky toy between your teeth like a detonator.
You place it in the living room doorway—directly in Quaffle’s line of sight.
You step on it once.
*SKREEEET.*
Quaffle’s whole face changes—round eyes, open mouth, drool beginning its descent like a slow waterfall.
(set: $distraction to true)
(set: $noise to $noise + 1)
(set: $quaffleMood to "obsessed")
(set: $quafflePos to "living room")
(set: $bond to (min: 3, $bond + 1)) /* she respects the tactic */
She charges the toy with the confidence of someone who has never been told “no.”
You return to the kitchen with your chest puffed out.
[[Back->Kitchen]](display: "HUD")
You brace your paws. Your body leans back.
You pull like you’re trying to drag the entire concept of dinner into your mouth.
The plate slides.
The steak slides.
The universe holds its breath.
(if: $heat >= 3)[
A human footstep taps closer.
[[Panic->Caught]]
]
(set: $progress to 3)
(set: $steak to true)
[[SUCCESS: Steak Acquired->Win]]<span class="hud">
Heist: (if: $progress>=1)[◼][◻] (if: $progress>=2)[◼][◻] (if: $progress>=3)[◼][◻] (if: $progress>=4)[◼][◻]
Quaffle: (if: $bond is 0)[👑 Judgy](else-if: $bond is 1)[👀 Curious](else-if: $bond is 2)[🙂 Softening](else:)[🤝 On Your Side]
Heat: $heat
</span>(display: "HUD")
You glance at the steak.
Then at Quaffle.
Then back at the steak.
You give a small, careful whine—the kind that says: *I know this is wrong, but I am small and the world is tall.*
Quaffle blinks. Once. Twice.
She huffs—soft, warm air—like she’s trying not to smile.
(set: $bond to (min: 3, $bond + 1))
(set: $quaffleMood to "softening")
She stands and ambles to the doorway… then *stops* there.
Not blocking you. Just… stationed.
Like security. But for you.
(set: $distraction to true)
[[Back->Kitchen]](display: "HUD")
(set: $progress to 4)
Under the table, the steak becomes a secret world: warm smell, pepper, the soft scrape of your teeth.
Quaffle’s nose appears at the edge of the tablecloth.
Not lunging. Not demanding.
Just… present.
You tear off the smallest possible piece. A crumb in steak clothing. A peace treaty.
You slide it toward her.
Quaffle looks at it.
Looks at you.
Then she eats it without making eye contact—like she’s accepting a compliment she didn’t ask for.
Her tail thumps once.
Not loud.
Just enough to say: *Fine. That was funny.*
She licks your ear—quick, warm, almost affectionate—then sits up tall and barks toward the hallway:
A perfect bark. A convincing bark.
A bark that says: *Nothing suspicious here! Definitely no steak under this table!*
Mama's voice drifts in: “Good girl, Quaffle.”
Quaffle’s eyes flick to you again.
Judgy.
Sweet.
On your side. She uses your head as a napkin and harumphs back to her bed.
**THE END.**
[[Play again->Start]]{
(if: $progress > $lastProgress)[
<div class="callout good">
Your plan advances. The steak feels… closer than it should.
</div>
]
(else-if: $progress < $lastProgress)[
<div class="callout bad">
Setback. The kitchen resets its opinion of you.
</div>
]
(if: $heat > $lastHeat)[
<div class="callout bad">
Heat rises. The house is listening now.
</div>
]
(else-if: $heat < $lastHeat)[
<div class="callout soft">
The room exhales. Suspicion loosens its grip.
</div>
]
(if: $bond > $lastBond)[
<div class="callout soft">
Quaffle’s eyes soften—just a hair. She doesn’t look away as fast.
</div>
]
(set: $lastProgress to $progress)
(set: $lastHeat to $heat)
(set: $lastBond to $bond)
}<img class="dogpic" src="https://i.imgur.com/PkFyKE1.jpeg" alt="Frank the Boykin Spaniel">
You are **Frank**, a Boykin Spaniel built like a stocky brick with legs.<img class="dogpic" src="https://i.imgur.com/0eYlARa.png" alt="Quaffle the St. Bernard">
<div class="caption">Quaffle sucking on a teddy bear "baby"</div>
Quaffle is your older sister. She is a St. Bernard with the soul of a princess and the saliva output of a garden hose.